The bond between children and their pets is often one of the most profound relationships in a young person’s life. Pets teach us about love, responsibility, and companionship, but they also introduce us to some of life’s toughest lessons, including loss. When the time comes for a beloved pet to be euthanised, it can be a heart-wrenching experience, especially for children who may be facing loss for the first time, or tragically revisiting loss. Supporting them while managing your own emotions can be challenging.
As an experienced vet of almost 30 years, I have experience assisting countless families and children through this journey. In addition, I have supporting my own three children/teens through pet loss. With this experience, these are my tips on how to support your children through the loss of a loved pet with sensitivity and compassion.
Discussing Pet Euthanasia with Children
Understanding Children’s Perception of Death
Children perceive death differently than adults. For younger children, the finality of death can be hard to grasp, while older children may understand better but still struggle to process their emotions.
While it may feel easier to shield children from difficult conversations to protect them from pain and confusion, and plan the euthanasia when they are at school, it is really important to build trust and transparency and have open honest age-appropriate discussion with your children.
Children often have vivid imaginations, which can lead them to fill in gaps with incorrect and even distressing thoughts. Give them a chance to ask questions so they can process what is happening. Open dialogue is essential to help them understand what lies ahead and to reduce the fear of the unknown.
Recognising Individual Differences in Children Coping with Pet Loss
Each child reacts differently to the loss of a pet. Some kids may cry openly, while others might withdraw. It’s vital to recognise and respect these unique responses. Create an environment where they feel safe expressing their emotions without judgment. Grief doesn’t follow a set pattern, and the healing process is not linear. Let your child know that it’s normal for their grief to look different based on their personality, age, and previous experiences.
Common Emotions Children May Experience
When discussing pet euthanasia, acknowledge the range of emotions your child might feel and reassure them that all emotions are okay:
Sadness
Losing a cherished pet is heartbreakingly sad. Encourage them to express their feelings, letting them know that it’s okay to grieve. Let them see you are also sad and that you will all be there to support each other and it will get easier.
Confusion
Death can be confusing for young children who are still developing their understanding of life’s journey. Provide reassurance and answer their questions honestly yet gently.
Guilt
Reassure them that they are not at fault for their pet’s illness or death.
Anger
This anger could be directed at you, the vet, their pet, their family or at the whole world. Validate their feelings and listen with kindness and patience.
Pet euthanasia is a complex, emotional, and ethical decision, and it’s even more challenging when children are involved. It’s important to be well-informed and to make the best choice for your pet, then discuss this decision with your children in an age-appropriate way. By approaching the topic with honesty and compassion, and by helping them commemorate their pet’s life, you can support your children through this difficult time.
Preparing Yourself for the Euthanasia Conversation with your Child
1. Prepare yourself emotionally before discussing euthanasia with your child. It’s important to acknowledge that as parents or guardians ourselves, we are also experiencing our own personal grieving process while trying to support our kids during their grief.
Remember, it’s okay for us as adults to feel sadness and grief too, and by being open about our emotions, we can show our kids that it’s natural to have these feelings of sadness and grief. Its ok to be vulnerable and that it’s okay to share feelings with one another. Taking care of ourselves emotionally, helps us to be more present for our children and models self care to your children too. Also consider seeking support from family members, friends, or professionals who can guide you through this process.
2. Consider informing your child’s support network and if suitable your child’s teacher about the situation to ensure a collaborative approach to support.
3. Choose the Right Time and Place
Choose a quiet moment and place when your child is relaxed and there are no distractions so they have ample opportunity to ask questions or share their thoughts and feelings without feeling rushed. If they seem overwhelmed at any point, pause briefly, validate their feelings, reassure them of your love and support.
4. Use Age-Appropriate Language
Use simple and honest language to explain euthanasia, emphasising the peace it brings to a suffering pet. E.g. ‘Sometimes when pets are very sick and cannot get better, the veterinarian can help them die peacefully’ Avoid euphemisms that may confuse younger children such as ‘sleep’ or ‘rest’ as this can create fear about going to sleep. As children grow older, they may appreciate more detailed information and they are generally be more inquisitive. It is still essential to use compassionate language, emphasising the peaceful nature of the euthanasia process.
5. Be Honest
Explain what euthanasia means and why it might be necessary. Use straightforward language, focusing on how you’re helping your pet avoid pain. E.g. ‘We don’t want our Molly to be in pain, scared or suffer’ ‘We need to be fair to Molly’
6. Encourage Questions
Let your child ask questions. Be open and patient, providing answers that are truthful but gentle. If you don’t know the answer then maybe you can both ask the vet.
Be prepared for questions such as, “Will my pet come back?” or “Why did this happen?” These inquiries are normal and should be met with patience. Gently explain that their pet is very sick and that euthanasia is a way to help them die peacefully without pain.
7. Supporting Emotional Expression Children may express their feelings in various ways—some may cry, while others might act out or withdraw. It’s essential to validate their emotions. Let them know it’s okay to feel sad, confused, or angry. Share your own feelings to demonstrate that grieving is natural.
8. Share Memories
Encourage your child to talk about their favourite memories with the pet. Creating a scrapbook or drawing pictures can be therapeutic.
Making the Decision Together
Involving children in aspects of the decision-making process in an age-appropriate manner can help children feel more heard and validated but also helps them learn the difficult aspects about the journey of life.
Discuss the pet’s condition and signs of suffering together. For more information about deciding when is the right time for euthanasia then please click here for dogs and here for cats. Allow them to express their feelings about the pet’s quality of life. Ask them where they think their pet would be most comfortable during the final moments such as their favourite bed or someone’s lap and what items they think their pet may like nearby such as toys or treats.
Ask the children if they would like to write a letter or draw a picture that can be buried with your pet or travel with them to the crematorium.
Ask the children if they would like to be present to say goodbye, remembering that in a home euthanasia with an experienced vet that this process will be calm and gentle and much more peaceful than their vivid imaginations.
Depending on your beliefs talk about what will happen after the euthanasia. Discuss aftercare such as burial or cremation and how they would like to honour and remember their pet. What gives them peace.
Giving your child a voice in the process can help them cope with their grief.
Young Children and Pet Euthanasia
Children under 5 years of age do not fully comprehend the concept of death. They do however understand their family being sad and they sometimes are confused and seek comfort, or they can be totally oblivious.
It is your choice as parents if you want your young children present. If possible, having a supportive family member that can help you with the little ones during this time enables you to support your older children and be with your own emotions and be with your pet.
Teenagers and Pet Euthanasia
For teenagers, the loss of a childhood pet can be especially significant. That pet may have been their most loyal companion, a confidant who never judged, always offered unconditional love, and stood by them through the challenges of their formative years. It’s important to approach this loss with empathy and understanding, acknowledging the unique bond that existed between them.
Teenagers will often want more detail and information, and when possible, should be given the option to be present. Keepsakes such as paw prints, locks of hair can be particularly important and appreciated by this age group.
The Day of Euthanasia
The day of euthanasia can be especially difficult. Here are some considerations:
Decide Together
Discuss whether your child wants to be present during the procedure. Most find comfort in being present, while some may prefer to be at a comfortable distance and have the option to go to their room when they want.
I personally find that despite many children saying they will go to their room, after I have explained the process in a calm manner and answered any questions, children feel more comfortable and almost all children choose to stay and be with their pet to say goodbye. And parents and children both express how peaceful it was and how glad they are that they remained present.
Create a Calm Environment
If your child chooses to attend, and it is age and personality appropriate, let them help create a peaceful atmosphere. E.g., Choose the location, music candles, a favourite toy or comforting item for the pet etc.
Focus on Love
Remind your child that the last moments can be filled with love. Encourage them to talk to their pet, thank their pet for their love, share a memory, or simply be close.
Honouring Your Pet’s Memory Together
Honouring your pet’s memory can be a meaningful and healing process. Encourage open conversations where everyone, including the kids, can share cherished memories. Engaging in memorial activities, such as planting a tree, painting rocks to decorate the burial site or creating a memory box, can provide a lasting tribute to your beloved pet.
By supporting one another during this time, we teach children valuable lessons about love, loss, and the importance of honouring those we care for. These shared experiences help children navigate their emotions and provide a sense of closure.
Coping Strategies and Grief Support
Encourage your child to express their emotions through talking, writing, drawing, or engaging in physical activities. Allowing them to process their feelings in their preferred way can be therapeutic.
Remember, the healing process takes time. Grief can often come in waves and each family member will process their emotions differently so offer comfort and understanding as needed. Keep honouring and savouring the good memories. In many cases, children move on quicker than adults and start mentioning another pet long before adults are ready.
Conclusion
Discussing pet euthanasia with children requires sensitivity, empathy, and understanding. By providing age-appropriate explanations and creating a safe space for expression, we can help our children navigate the difficult experience of saying goodbye to their beloved pets. While the pain of losing a pet never fully goes away, the love, the memories and the lessons learned will remain in their hearts forever.